God's Diamonds In The Ruff Podcast
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God's Diamonds In The Ruff Podcast
#169 S5 EP 43: Getting Beyond The Pain: Bridget Dunbar's Journey of Faith and Healing
What happens when a professional therapist faces the unimaginable loss that she often helps others navigate? Meet Bridget Dunbar, a licensed marriage and family therapist who opens up about her heartfelt journey through the devastating loss of two children, including a stillbirth. Bridget's candid account reveals the stark contrast between her professional training and the raw reality of personal tragedy. She shares the emotional turmoil, including moments of questioning her faith, and how her relationship with God became a foundation of resilience and growth.
Grief isn't confined to the loss of a loved one—it can manifest in countless ways, leading us to profound introspection and transformation. This episode explores the complex emotions of grief and depression, emphasizing the importance of managing these feelings constructively. Bridget offers valuable insights into how grief, while harrowing, can be navigated with faith and intention, allowing for personal and spiritual growth. Listen to her discuss the power of choosing hope over hopelessness and inviting God's healing presence into the grieving process.
Finally, we delve into the power of community and the dangers of isolation during grief. Bridget shares wisdom from her book, available as a free download, which provides guidance on processing grief and integrating God's presence into one's healing journey. Her personal journey reinforces the necessity of connection and overcoming the fear that often accompanies loss. Bridget's story is a testament to the transformative power of divine love and serves as a source of hope and encouragement for anyone on a similar path.
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Hello and hello and welcome back God's diamonds in the rough. We are so glad to be before you one more time. We hope all is well where you are. I am your host, catherine. Amen. Michael is not here, but I do have somebody who's hosting with me, amen, and her name is Bridget. Bridget Dunbar. She is a woman of God, amen, and ready to share her story, amen, and we hope that you are ready to hear it. Amen. So, before we get into it, y'all know we got to pray, but, bridget, would you mind saying hello to everyone?
Speaker 2:Yes, hello, hello. I'm so, so grateful to be here. Thank you so much. I cannot wait to get into it and just see what the Lord has for today's podcast.
Speaker 1:Amen, amen. Me as well. I'm excited about it, so I hope y'all are. Let's go ahead and pray. Father, we thank you so much for your grace and your mercy. Thank you, god, for just allowing us this opportunity.
Speaker 1:God, this time with one another, this time with the diamonds, god, but this time with you. We pray, god, that you would speak in a way that we can hear what it is you have to say, for we realize that everything that is said is not for everyone, but there is something here for each and every one of us, and we just pray, god, that you would speak loud and clear, that we will not miss it. I pray, god, the blessings of the Lord will be upon your people. We pray a special prayer for this young lady, amen, her family, her ministry, for those who have experienced any type of loss in that life. God, which is all of us, and we just pray, god, that you would give us the words of life that would allow us to continue to move forward.
Speaker 1:God, we bless your name, we bless your people, say thank you. We praise you in Jesus Christ name. We do pray amen, amen, amen, hallelujah, amen. So, bridget, would you please tell us just a bit about yourself and exactly what it is that you do, because once you do that, that's going to that's going to kind of put our topic in perspective, really bringing home just a general idea of you know, what God has for you to share with us has for you to share with us.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, thank you. Well, so, first and foremost, I'm a wife, but I'm also a mother of two angel babies, so I did have a early term miscarriage. I also had a son who I gave birth to, and he was still born at birth, and so I went through quite a bit in my process of just grieving those losses in my life. And, you know, in the midst of that as well, I've been a licensed marriage and family therapist for over a decade. I've been helping people walk through grief as well, and I also coach with my husband currently. So you know, it's been quite a journey, but I'm now so blessed to also be helping others navigate this journey of grief and loss.
Speaker 1:Amen. So I'm sure you would definitely agree with me when I say that it's much different when you walk through it yourself versus doing it based off a degree. Would you agree with that?
Speaker 2:Yes, 100%. You know you can prepare all day long for whatever is going to come your way and you can have all the education in the world. But once you actually walk through tragedy, loss, it's a completely, completely it hits you differently. You know when tragedy hits your home it hits differently yes, I mean I.
Speaker 1:I'm a firm believer that you know, you can. You might have an idea of what I've been through, but until you put on my shoes you really don't know what I'm, what I've been through, amen, you know. Uh, what did recovery look like for you? After you say you lost, you lost? You said you lost a child and you had a child stillborn, or is this the same child we're talking about? So you had two.
Speaker 2:No, so I had a. I have had two child losses, yes, and my second one was was um, he almost a full term, had a, had gave birth to him but they lost his heartbeat during labor and he was born stillborn. So, yeah, that was. It was such a shock because you know you go into the hospital expecting to give birth and it being the most joyous celebration of your life, and you leave empty handed and, you know, heartbroken, not expecting that your child was not going to go home with you, and so you know that that process was definitely difficult for me. It took me off guard and it honestly it changed my life.
Speaker 2:You know I was. I was working in my church at the time. I was unable to continue ministry after that, I was unable to even work and see clients after that for a period of time. So I really, you know, I took time to grieve and grieve deeply with the Lord, and so it was. It was a long process and yet there's also so much that I discovered in that about myself, about God, about even what I'm capable of, what God created me to be capable of in the midst of tragedy and loss like that.
Speaker 1:So during this, during your journey, did like when you first happened, and were you ever, you ever feel like, were you like angry at God? You know what I mean, because I know some people experience that with such a loss.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think it's really natural to experience that. You know, I read a book actually entitled Grief Loss and the Goodness of God. I read a book actually entitled Grief Loss and the Goodness of God and in that I talk about my journey through even my wrestle with God, because I remember I gave the second, I gave birth. Those in the room actually remember me saying, wow, god is so good. And so even in that moment, I think that my spirit just said God, you're good. Even still in the midst of this, I think that my spirit just said God, you're good, even still in the midst of this. And yet, as I began walking it out, part of my grief was really beginning to question, like God, are you still good, how could this happen?
Speaker 2:And what is this? Even you know, like, why does these things happen? And so I did, I questioned everything I knew. I really you know, I think that what it's very natural process to question even the goodness of God and really search out, like, where are you in this God and how could you allow this to happen, and all of those things. And so for me personally, even though I did, I absolutely wrestled with the Lord. Even though I did, I absolutely wrestled with the Lord I chose to really lean into Him and find those questions answered through my relationship with God. And so, even in the midst of me questioning all of that, I really had to discover for myself who is God, in the midst of my pain, in the midst of my tragedy. And so, yeah, those questions were absolutely present throughout my grief and I got to actually experience the side of God that I otherwise would not have experienced before.
Speaker 1:Right, and you know. So you know, with all of that said, it's definitely a thing you know, you gotta. It's like you remember a story in the Bible where, um David, he had that affair with Bathsheba, um, and got her pregnant and, um, when his child was, you know, he was he, he had died and he was, oh no, he. What was it? Was he about to die or had he died already?
Speaker 2:He was yeah to die, or had he died already? He was yeah, his child was was. Are you talking about his child? You know? Um, I can't remember yeah, his child was taken from him.
Speaker 1:Yeah and for a lot. For a while he was, he went through that period of mourning and then he just it was like that was that time before god where it was just like I can't believe you know why did this have to happen? And you know, and all of that, and I said all of that to say that that is normal. You know, I think that as believers, we tend to think we're supposed to have it all together and that you know, we're not supposed to experience that period of mourning, that period of anger, whatever have you. And I think that I think that that's a misconception that the world and decided oh well, you're you, y'all are supposed to be this, that and the other, and but the reality is, even Jesus wept, emotionally, even Jesus wept. So why shouldn't?
Speaker 2:we.
Speaker 2:You know, Well, and God, yeah, and you know, and God does not promise that we would not, you know, escape hardship, he, you know, there there will be tribulation and trials of of all kinds, and yet his promise in that is that he'll be there with us.
Speaker 2:And so you know, I think that is the promise that I held on to, even in just the depth of my despair and the darkness that I felt at the time was just searching out, like God, where are you in this? And instead of for me trying to cast blame on God for the trials and the tribulation and really everything the enemy took from me it was the enemy who stole, who killed in my life, and in the midst of that I had to really seek out, lord, where are you in all of this? And the gift, honestly, that I believe that my grief and loss brought me was discovering God in the depths of my soul, in the depths of just my agony is that he is there with you and all you need to do is really search him out and invite him into that place that is so painful, because he absolutely is there and he promises to be there even in the depths of where we find ourselves.
Speaker 1:Girl, you said a whole lot. I say that you said a whole lot because a lot of people, unfortunately, they're not getting it, they don't understand that any relationship has its ups and downs. And you know, despite how we feel in that moment he is there, absolutely feel in that moment he is there, absolutely. So you know, um, can you kind of paint a picture of of of like, since you are a, you say you're a coach and a therapist, correct?
Speaker 2:yes, you say yeah, I do quite a bit of things right.
Speaker 1:So what is it? What does? How would you if you had to define grief? Because I'm asking you this question? Because some people don't realize that they're grieving or mourning. They don't. They don whether or not they're grieving or mourning and experiencing you know, the side effects of the loss.
Speaker 2:Well, I think with grief comes a lot of complex emotions, complexity even in just the things that we're thinking about wrestling with. You know, in grief we begin to start asking ourselves questions that maybe we wouldn't ask ourselves regularly, like the meaning of our life, or what's the point of existing, or you know. And then grief can also just look like deep badness, deep anguish of what maybe has been lost in your life. You know, grief obviously comes after the loss of a significant other, a death obviously, but people grieve in losses of all kinds, and so you know, that type of grief is really it's, I say, you know, grief is actually the discovery of yourself.
Speaker 2:And so you know when you're grieving, you're actually discovering depths of yourself, of your soul, of your emotions, of your thoughts that you otherwise don't normally consider or think about or go to often. And so you know, those who are grieving are asking themselves or thinking or feeling stuff that they don't normally explore. And so I always say you know, grief is a gift. There's so much about grief that it's a gift that when you experience grief of any kind, it's actually the Lord's invitation for you to discover not only yourself but Him, deeper than you normally can on a regular daily basis. And so grief, there's so many gifts of grief that I discovered. Now you know, obviously those who are grieving probably would say it doesn't feel good, I don't like it, Get me out as soon as possible.
Speaker 1:But when you are, walking through it, if you can remain in it, you can actually discover depths of yourself and of God that you otherwise, maybe normally, wouldn't consider. Wow, I'm just like I'm kind of blown away myself. So, okay, let me take you, let me ask you this, okay. Typically, people would describe that type of sadness and they would say, oh, I'm depressed, or I got depressed, I'm experiencing depression. Would you say that grief and mourning grief slash, mourning is the same as depressed or depression?
Speaker 2:Yeah, actually, you know, I actually go into this in a whole chapter entitled Sad in my book, and it talks about the difference between what sadness looks like in normal grief and what it turns into when it becomes complicated grief or grief that you remain stuck in and you can't get out of.
Speaker 2:And I think that depression I mean you have feelings of depression Depression is when you're just feeling so hopelessly sad that you know just what used to be enjoyable or meaningful no longer is, and so you know you get to a place of just what is the meaning of life. That is completely normal in grief to feel the depth of sadness in that way. What happens is that those who dwell there for long, extended periods of time and don't know how to get themselves out of that rut, it can turn into depression or you know a longer stage of sadness that actually I believe the Lord never intended for you to experience. So you know, I do think that there is a level of sadness that grief comes with, that we're intended to feel and experience, and then there's a part where you can become stuck in that and you begin to lose hope in the midst of of that, where you just you no longer see um a future hope.
Speaker 1:That god. Really, it boils down to choice. That's what it sounds like. It boils down to whether I'm going to turn to God or turn away.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's really about what do you do with your sadness.
Speaker 2:It's not about escaping sadness.
Speaker 2:Sadness is going to come deep, what I guess most people would describe as depression, like the feelings that come with depression come with grief, and so those deep depressive feelings, even thoughts, are normal part of grief.
Speaker 2:However, it's what do you do with them that matters. And so, you know, those who have adopted an identity of depression over them have adopted beliefs that come with hopelessness, that come with, you know, helplessness, and you know, I believe, that the Lord did not create us to leave us there. He actually gave us a way to turn, to give our hopelessness and our helplessness to him and to receive something in exchange that's so much better, right, like he, he transforms our ashes into beauty, he gives us oil of, of gladness, you know, for for all of the feelings that we're experiencing, and so it really comes down to it's not about escaping those feelings, it's about giving. It's about turning them over to the Lord and and letting him heal those parts of your heart and your mind that need to be transformed in order to move forward. And the only one who can transform us, as we know, is the Lord himself, and so he has to be a part of that process Otherwise, and so he has to be a part of that process.
Speaker 1:Otherwise, this is where people get stuck in their grief. Yeah, so what, bridget and I are really speaking to you, diamond is you know that the Lord understands what you're going through right now and but, at the same time, gotta look for god. You gotta look for god, you gotta look for the light. It's like you know you, it's like it's a light there. You know that it's there. Mentally, you know it's there and you gotta choose to walk toward the light, because the more you walk toward the light, the more you'll be able to see. Because, but because the longer you stay in darkness, even when you come into the light, you won't be able to see, cannot stay in darkness. God wants you to come into the light and so, bridget, can you please share with us about your book? You said you wrote a book.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, yeah, I wrote a book that actually helps people do that. So there's all you know there's many that when I was grieving, I was looking for resources just to help even educate me on, like, what am I experiencing? Is this normal? Is this not normal? Like, where's the are really looking for a path to healing after the death of either a child, like I experienced, or of a loved one. And so I wrote it in such a way that it doesn't matter who you lost, but if you experienced significant loss or death of a loved one, how do you navigate that toward healing and also, you know, begin to invite the Lord in that process. And so my book is is really full of just kind of topical stuff that comes up naturally in grief you know sadness, the questioning of like what if?
Speaker 2:what if? Well, what if I did this differently? Or what if? That you know, like just all of the natural things that, the feelings that we have, the thoughts we have, and then you know it takes you through just a soul searching journey of inviting God into that process with you. And so there's questions, there's prompts, there's things to do as well for those who feel like they have the energy to really explore some of those, feel like they have the energy to really explore some of those. But I wanted to give a resource to those who felt like they were really just stuck in their grief and didn't have a clear path forward or even know how to begin to process or invite the Lord into that process with them.
Speaker 1:Okay, so where do we go to find that resource, madam?
Speaker 2:yeah, you can visit my website, bridgettenbarcom forward slash grief and, for those who are listening, I'm also just giving a free download of my book, like I really just want people it to be in people's hands and for them to find healing and restoration of their soul with the Lord and in this process, I don't believe we were meant to walk in grief in a sense of mourning forever, and so you know there's an opportunity to download my book for free. I also have a course available for those who prefer going through kind of more education or more in-depth. So I'm creating resources for people to help them really journey through grief well and to fully embrace really what they're going through and find the maximum healing that's available to them that is awesome.
Speaker 1:That is awesome, um, because we live in a world where you know people. Uh, they really need help. They really need and I'm sure a pandemic was. It was a terrible time for you. I bet.
Speaker 2:It was a very busy time. I played it a lot yeah yeah yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1:That's another question. Why is it that we isolate when we're going through that grief or loss?
Speaker 2:yeah, why is it that that seems to be the answer isolation yeah, you know, it's so funny because I, the very top quote on my, on my book in the back, is grief is an individual, is a deeply individual journey, but that's never to be traveled alone. And that's because you know most who do grief feel so alone, like they feel like they're the. You know, feel like they're the. You know your, your whole world becomes your loss, and so you know it's, it feels like there's no one, there's nothing else in the world that that you can see, other than that loss that is right in front of you. And so you know, with that, I think, that the enemy honestly brings, uses that as opportunity to bring about, um, this lies to our mind, you know, shame that no one's going to understand you. Or, you know, whatever it is that you're experiencing, I think with guilt, or sorry, with with grief also, like guilt can arise, uh, in various forms. You know, whether it's survivor's guilt, whether it's guilt of the what if? You know, what if I did something differently? Or you know, I this, these were my last words, my last one, whatever it was like.
Speaker 2:There's so many different elements that we experience in grief and I think oftentimes we don't know how to really share that with others, we feel alone in it, and so it just naturally causes us to isolate.
Speaker 2:And I would say, you know, my community was what got me through, honestly, and I had to almost throw myself at people intentionally, because I just knew I needed others.
Speaker 2:And yet I almost felt more comfortable just being alone in my bed and behind closed doors because that was, I didn't have anything to give to people, and so for me I felt like, how do I show up? I have nothing to give, so why would anyone want to be around me? And, and it was just easier for me, I was able to reserve energy more when I was alone and I just knew at some point that just was not helpful or healing for me, and so I had to learn to let people love me, to let people to let love in, and I think that oftentimes you know when we're alone, that's when the enemy can come after us and say you know who are you to whatever, receive this type of love, attention, care, when you have nothing to give back. And so so you know learning to, to forgive too, to, to forgive whatever it is in the process, yourself, others, and just be able to and God as well and um and learn to love and receive love again is an important part in that.
Speaker 1:Amen. What about fear? Fear is a factor, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, fear is huge. I mean fear. Yeah, fear is huge. I mean, in a lot of ways, you know, people fear death even. In a lot of ways, people fear death even.
Speaker 2:And so, when it comes knocking at your door, all of your fears that you once had become real, the fear of losing loved ones, the fear of illness, the fear of bad things happening right around every corner, so it becomes almost something that I remember, actually a moment in my grief journey where I had fear come on me so much that I feared my life was going to remain like this forever, like it was never going to go back to normal and I was never going to feel like myself again, I was never going to have any sort of normalcy. And that fear was so strong that what I had to do? In that moment I woke up, I like shot out of bed, I'm like I will not let fear hold me here. And so I turn on worship music and I just started marching around the room and just shouting, like you know, praise to the Lord, because I had to tell my soul that you were going to be okay and that this is not where your story ends and this is not where God is going to leave you, and so I think fear can come on to people.
Speaker 2:When we have this, you know experience of loss and tragedy, so with it comes fear and the spirit of fear, and so recognizing that that is not, that is not a spirit, that is not something that the Lord has given us, it's actually, you know, if anything, he's given us the spirit of truth. And to overcome fear, and so being able to recognize when you're living in fear and know that that is not the Lord, and knowing how to combat that is really important, especially when you're in such a vulnerable state of grief.
Speaker 1:Ooh, that was good. I mean absolutely. I mean you're just preaching and teaching truth, because that is the truth. You know, um, yeah, I mean I don't know what else I can add to that outside of you know, um, because I mean that's that's, that's just the truth of it. I mean I don't know what else I can add to that outside of you know, because I mean that's just the truth of it. I mean fear. I mean, excuse me, grief and loss, and you know everything that comes with it. It is something that we all experience in some facet of life. Whether it's a person, a home, something that was really important to you, you lose it. It's like you go through that period of grieving and you gotta allow yourself to grieve.
Speaker 1:It's okay to grieve um because the the the the sooner you grieve the loss, the sooner you're able to heal and see god in the midst, even in the the midst of whatever is going on and what has happened. So we just pray that that encouraged you. Don't forget to go to her website, which is Bridget. Bridget B-R-I-D-G-E-T-T Dunbar, d-u-n-b-a-r dot com backslash grief, and she has a free Forward slash grief. Oh, forward slash. Did I say it wrong? Oh, sorry, you're good. She has a free resource Her book. You can get it. It's a free download, and she also has some course resources available too. So I would definitely go further and check this young lady out. Amen, bridget, would you do me a favor, would you please pray us out of our conversation?
Speaker 2:Yes, lord, I thank you so much for these listeners, God, who I just pray right now that everyone who comes across this podcast would just feel your presence with them, that they would feel your nearness, god, that they would experience your love in ways that they tangibly have never felt before, would hear just a message of hope, that your voice would speak to them and remind them of who you are and the hope you have for them and the bright future that is still theirs and promised, awaiting for them. And so even now, lord, would you just comfort those who are mourning and provide for those who just feel lost, and so that I just pray, also blessing on this podcast. Thank you for inviting me here today. I just bless every listener in Jesus name.
Speaker 1:Amen, Amen. Thank you so much, Bridget. Did you have a final word for the, for our before our diamonds, before we get out of here?
Speaker 2:to hear the Lord is near, is nearer than you think, and you're so loved and you're found so precious in the sight of God, and so thank you so much for having me here today.
Speaker 1:God bless you, amen. All right, y'all. Y'all know what time it is. Remember until the next time time you are a diamond in the rough, amen, amen.
Speaker 2:Amen Thank you.
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